Sunday, November 28, 2010

nasty jokes ;o)

what about stock market jokes? well, lets look at the definitions 1st! (source i.e. 'stolen from' informedtrades.com here):
  • A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.
  • A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!
  • A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!
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It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.
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Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.
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A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the stockbroker, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The stockbroker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a stockbroker-- he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff? How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; his clients, they prayed."
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and here comes a very old one from myself which proved sooo right in the nasty october 2008:
stock market crash is worse than a divorce: half the money is away, but the wife is still there :)
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no stocks, no scares =)) (seaofmoney)
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folks, feel free 2 add additional jokes as comments below (nick name is better than anonymous) or just sent me a message so i can include them here ;-)
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